Saturday, March 6, 2010

Including Children in the Wedding

As this picture shows sometimes a romantic beach wedding includes a ready made family.
Many of the weddings I preform are second, sometimes third time around weddings and in many cases children are a big part of the wedding and ceremony. In a formal wedding of course it is quite natural to see children as ring bearers or flower girls, but in small intimate weddings where many times there is only the bride and groom and the children we have a different arrangement.
I see many very small bridesmaids and best men. And it is lovely.
When the wedding is on the beach and the couple is from up north it is often hard to keep the small wedding attendants from running into the surf rather than quietly holding the rings or flowers while the ceremony is underway.
I remember one small bridesmaid that spent the time pounding her flowers into nothingness, in the sand, while we continued on.
Usually though the children behave beautifully, if sometimes sort of trance like, while we carry on.
If you're getting married and there are young children who will be uniting into the family, right
along with the bride and groom, I think it is nice to really make them a part of the ceremony. There are several ways to do this. One would be a sand ceremony with a jar of sand for each child. They would then pour their sand in turn along with the bride and groom. It makes a nice impression on the children and they feel that it is their wedding too.
Another nice way to help children feel included is for the "step" parent to present, as part of the ceremony, a small gift to the child (children). A special reading or words of presentation from the giver can be included in the ceremony.
Many times children of the bride walk their mother down the isle. Children, no matter their ages, find this a very special thing to do.
So regardless of the age of the child or children which are about to become a part of a new family, be sure to give thought to how they can be made to feel special about this day and about the new family member.
A day as special as this day can go a long way to making the new family life more comfortable and to making the child feel more included. If handled badly, ignoring the child can create hurt feelings and resentment and just make a sometimes difficult adjustment all the more so.